Friends

Friend 1  2  3  4  5  4 3  2 1 Mentor

Comment: Some overlap exists with these two roles, but they are also distinct.  And perhaps there will be times when these roles clash or come in conflict with one another.  Dr. Judy Schwanz calls this dynamic “dual relationships”.  Dual is meant to include all the roles we play in that person’s life.  In a recent supervised ministry training, she asked us to think about the 5 people we are closest to in the church and to name all the different roles or aspects of relationship we have with them.  For example, pastor—congregant, friend—friend, chairperson—board member, etc.  Who is responsible for maintaining boundaries?  What “rules” apply in each of those contexts?  How do you navigate through the variables that come into play?

Accountability  1  2  3  4 5 4  3  2  1  Self-Motivated

Comment: One of the most frustrating things as a pastor is to try to disciple someone who doesn’t want to be. The question is, “Should we be trying to do that?”

One of the goals for each church the KC District has communicated to pastors is, “Every church is intentionally discipling every Christian who is willing.”  I agree.  There must be a level of self-motivation for any accountability to work anyway.  Further, Jesus didn’t beg for followers.  He called them.

This raises the question though, “What are we to do with those who come to our programs or services, but show no interest in growing in their relationship with Christ?” This lack of a teachable spirit and a lack of a desire to grow in the faith are obvious in some, but their presence there in our Sunday School class or service or group is evidence that God is at work in their lives no matter how hard that is to see for us. For them we pray and, in love, patiently wait for the Lord to soften their hearts.  For others, it is harder to gage whether it is a lack of receptivity to Jesus or to us.  This is a matter for the work of prayer.  This is also why it is important to have a diverse group of people discipling others.  I won’t be able to reach and disciple the same people that you will.

Prescription  1  2  3 4  5 4  3  2  1  Interrogative

Comment: In my opinion it is necessary and good to have a “prescription”, something we should do as a result, for each lesson or talk or sermon.  This happens best though if the group can come to those conclusions themselves.  Then they own it, remember it and are more likely to live it.

Honestly, this might be the hardest continuum for me to be balanced on.  When it comes to a lesson or Sunday School it is so much easier for me to dispense all my “knowledge” for the group to upload, but it is not the best way for them. When I am guilty of dispensing, I can see the disconnect in their eyes and body language (sleeping). I think that keeping the balance in this area has a lot to do with how and what questions we ask. Well crafted open ended questions are best.  Fill in the blank or yes/no have their place, but for dialogue based lessons or Sunday School classes questions should be more reflective and focused. The series of Nooma videos and lessons the youth ministry team at our church is using now has a lot of good examples of those kinds of questions.  It also has to do with how we engage the students especially teens.

For a sermon this is far more difficult because it is set up as a monologue, but making a connection with people can happen through eye contact, conversational tone, bringing up questions that one might ask if it were a dialogue, and most of all trusting and praying that the Holy Spirit is doing of the work of heart dialogue.

How does this work relationally in conversations with people? Listening well, asking clarifying questions, repeating back to them what they are saying for understanding, asking how they can challenge themselves in some way regarding what they are bringing up, putting the ball back in their court, etc.

For me ultimately questions must lead to some understanding or application to life eventually to be of some value. That’s not to say we will be able to answer every question or everything about God because we won’t, but we can come to a faith-filled peace about those things.  What I mean is that the questions can be part of the process that leads to living out the truth, a valuable part, a necessary part and are in some ways a “prescription”.  Consider Jesus.  He often answered a question with another question, but he also often followed the question with a story that did say something to address one of the questions or answered the question forthrightly.  I guess there are a lot of way to use and respond to questions in discipling others.

The danger of falling too far to the prescription or application sides of the equation is that it is far too easy to turn this into a list of moralisms and shoulds without presenting the grace necessary to live anything out in obedience to God.